Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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