Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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