So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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