My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
