Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
