it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
