Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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