Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
