Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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