Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
