U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize