You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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