Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She said her name was "party"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
