Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
