waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Girls should come with a carfax report
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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