xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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