First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
