I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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