I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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