Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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