I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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