Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
