the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
