the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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