I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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