i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
