I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
