Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
