i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
