Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
