Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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