just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
