I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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