Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
