"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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