I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I want a musical about memes.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
