I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize