I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
