cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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