I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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