Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
