I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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