it was like his penis was on wheels.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
