i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
