Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
