Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
