it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
