when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
