I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
