I think I died a long time ago.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
