I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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