To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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