Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize