I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
