In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
