I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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