Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
