After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
