I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
