Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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