you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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