so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
