Moan for me like Helen Keller
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
