Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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