Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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