Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
