I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
