half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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